HOLY QIGONG!!!

A 6x8 foot (maybe larger?) handmade (sawed, nailed, glued, bolted, stained, painted, spray painted) construction of my colon; made in hopes of, if I focused enough positive healing energy on it, curing my diseased colon. (*side note: the enimas were unused though emptied)

A 6×8 foot (maybe larger?) handmade (sawed, nailed, glued, bolted, stained, painted, spray painted) construction of my colon; made in hopes of, if I focused enough positive healing energy on it, curing my diseased colon. (*side note: the enimas were unused though emptied)

So I know it’s been a bit since I wrote.  I’ve been a bit side tracked with some projects.  I’ve been making these awesome hair flowers.  I’m enjoying making beautiful things.  I have a large painting of a dahlia that’s been sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to get back to it as well.  It’s so nice not being sick.  When I’m sick, I just want to make art about my colon.  When I was an undergrad I had an art show entirely dedicated to my colon; it was titled “A Shrine to my Colon”.  It consisted of walls that I covered with gold spray painted wooden panels that were silk screened with my medical files, a 6×8 foot construction of a spiraled wooden painting of my colon framed and embellished with golden enimas and a variety of photographs, sketchbooks, paintings, etc. all about my colon.  Now I just want to focus on beauty, namely flowers…

But, I digress, you are probably wondering what happened after my qigong class as this entry is titled “HOLY QIGONG!!!”  I probably never mentioned, but I haven’t slept terribly well in the last year or more.  I have a hell of a time falling asleep (maybe takes about an hour), I get up in the middle of the night 1-2 times to pee and then it feels like forever and a day before I can fall asleep again (which is obviously an exaggeration as that would take me into the next day and beyond, defeating the purpose of even trying to go back to sleep ever but, just take my word for it, it’s frustrating).  So my husband and I went to the qigong class and the teacher explained the practice of the week (each week is a different movement or technique), circular breathing.  “Oh circular breathing, I can do that,” I thought to myself, smiling inwardly about how I was going to impress everyone with my abilities.  Circular breathing, or rather, the kind of circular breathing I thought the teacher was referring to, is what you do when playing the didgeridoo, which I dappled in once upon a time, where you can continually blow air out your mouth without breaks by inhaling through your nose as you utilize air stored in your mouth to blow out.

Practicing my circular breathing circa 2003 with my friend in Japan.

Practicing my circular breathing circa 2003 with my friend in Japan.

Don’t think too hard about it because it’s not relevant.  The circular breathing I learned on Wednesday was completely different.  It consists of creating a sort of circuit from the perineum (from the context, I deduced this meant the anal sphincter as he mentioned to slightly close the anal sphincter and then from that point forth continued to refer to that area of the circuit as the perineum.  I think it’s a lovely word.  I’d love to tell the next person who annoys me that they are a pain in my perineum, though I’m not the type to say that to anyone, I can just aggressively think it.), around and up the back to the tip of the head and, essentially, back down the front, full circle to the perineum.  We continued this for some time, did some guided imagery and other “qi building” exercises (which consist of standing and making gentle circular motions with your arms to “gather qi”).  What happened?  I know you’re dying to know.  I slept through the entire night, that night, the next night and the following night.  I took a bit of a break after that due to some complications (I won’t torture you with the details but I will just say it had something to do with maybe squeezing my perineum too much).  I’m still working out the kinks.  At my appointment with my herbalist yesterday, he reported that my qi is stronger.  I was also able to feel something in terms of energy in my hands as they would get super hot, after practice, if I placed them near my husband’s hands.  I am known to be incredibly gullible and am not blind to the fact that I can also be easily influenced by ideas, so I understand any skepticism around this “energy” and “qi” and the idea that I could have such immediate responses.

The elephant was something like this except instead of a seed connected to the elephant, all the tiny elephants fit inside the tiny stand that the elephant was on (like the one in this pic).  So I basically broke the stand in half.

The elephant was something like this except instead of a seed connected to the elephant, all the tiny elephants fit inside the tiny stand that the elephant was on (like the one in this pic). So I basically broke the stand in half.

However, if you are a skeptic, like myself (When I was 9, the pastor at my church gave all the kids a tiny carved ivory elephant during Sunday school.  He was trying to teach a lesson about “faith” and encouraged us to have faith by telling us that there were 10 elephants inside that tiny elephant.  My 9 year old “faith” took me immediately home, to the silverware drawer where I snuck a kitchen knife into my room to split that elephant open.  Sure enough, there were 10 paper thin teeny tiny carved ivory elephants inside that little guy.  Well, by the time I was done with it, there were less than 10 as they flew all over my room and were lost forever in the carpet but based on the size of them and the number I was able to locate, I deduced there could have easily been at least 10 elephants.  I learned a great lesson that day: that you can fit 10 elephants inside that tiny elephant!  I was quite proud of myself needless to say.)  Like I was saying, if you are a skeptic like me, you can try it for yourself and see if you have any benefits or cool feelings from qigong (it is recommended you find a teacher, they say misdirected qi can be dangerous, actually I made that up but that was my interpretation of what they said).

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