If I’m not enlightened by the end of the week, I quit…

That’s how I begun my entry a few weeks ago when I got the bright idea to join a meditation group that met at 5:00 am Monday-Friday.  Around 6:30 am on my second day of meditation I wrote this:

“So, on my hunt for an alternative (Western medication-free) treatment/cure for colitis, I’ve started up Iyengar yoga and meditation (I just noticed that the word “meditation” is just one letter off from “medication”.  I noticed this because I keep typing medication when I mean to type meditation.  Interesting…).  It seems every time I have a flare up I swear I’m going to pick up meditation to help clear my mind, to help me to deal with my stress better.  I don’t feel particularly stressed out, but I can trace just about every flare up to an issue with a boy (a break up, a threat of a break up, etc.).  Thankfully I’m in a very healthy and super supportive relationship now (one that has committed for a lifetime, so he’s not going anywhere anytime soon).  However, we often cannot control the events that happen in our lives so, I figure, it’s a good idea to learn how to control how we respond to those events.”

Here's painting I did during my masters program dealing with meditation and family...

Here’s painting I did during my masters program dealing with meditation and family…

And then I crashed, went back to bed and never woke up again.  Not really, but my schedule was completely out of whack for at least a week and I was even less productive than usual.  I still hold fast to idea that I need to take control of my ability to deal with stress and have taken to listening to Alan Watts lectures about life and such (I’ve only started listening and it’s a lot to absorb, however I have been about to sum it up into exactly that “life and such”, so eloquent).  I’m also listening to a CD my mom gave me years ago about meditation and have signed up for a qigong class that begins tonight.  See, that’s my problem, I find it so difficult to meditate because my mind and often myself is doing a million things at once.  Even on my path to calming my mind, I embark on multiple methods all at once making it near impossible to see any one through to completion.  I’m going to make the crazy assumption that I’m not alone here.  Well I’m off to my first (well not quite first if you count my last qigong experience, see my entry about my last nightmare of an herbalist) qigong class.  The idea is that it will help strengthen me internally.  Here goes nothing…

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