Zombie Parasites

This really happened to me last night. Kinda... (Picture taken from thezombienation.com website)

This really happened to me last night. Kinda…

Odd, yet intriguing title, I agree:)

I had my third appointment with the herbalist today.

No, let me rewind a bit more…

During my first appointment with the herbalist, he asked me whether I had bad dreams (I must have marked something about it in his lengthy questionnaire).  I recounted some of the themes of my dreams, not nightmares but certainly not pleasant visions of sugarplums dancing in my head (I was sure spellcheck would catch that one, so sugarplums are an actual thing?).  Then, that night, after my first acupuncture treatment, I had a really beautiful dream.  There was a silhouette of a woman in front of a colorful sunset, except, I was the one who got to color in the sunset with markers.  I filled in all the colors from top to center then bottom to center only to reach the center where there was no color.  “What color should it be?” I pondered.  Then it came to me, “Yellow!”  I colored it in a bright yellow and the whole scene glowed with vibrant life!

The "zombie" looked remarkably like the one from the sprint unlimited commercial.

The “zombie” looked remarkably like the one from the sprint unlimited commercial.

Now fast forward to last night.  There was melted flesh and bodies all around me.  I had a difficult time maneuvering through the corpses (if you could even call them that, it was all a muttled mess).  There was a group of about 10-12 of us that were still, hmmm, I guess you would say, that were still human.  We had one of the non-melted ones with us (I didn’t refer to him as a zombie in my dream, but now that I think of it, he was very much not of the living and more of the undead).  When I say “with us”, I mean he was in the same building as us and would often cross our paths but we co-existed with him with great caution.  We could not allow the percentage of water in our bodies to exceed 2%.  0% was ideal but, being of the living, such an expectation was unreasonable.  If the percentage exceeded 2% the zombies would detect us and would do something really bad to us (I’m not sure what as it didn’t happen in the dream but I knew we took the limit very seriously).  We had a machine, kind of like a breathalyzer, that could monitor the percentage of water in our bodies.  Oh, and if any water so much as touched our skin, our skin would melt off to join the piles of melted flesh around us.  I certainly snuck off a few times to satiate my hunger and thirst but I would have to remain well hidden for long periods of time so I would not be detected by the zombies.

Well that’s the gist of the dream (I do have a point here and it does have to do with my treatment, just wait).  I woke up with an explanation; I was super thirsty in my sleep but was too asleep to wake up to drink water so the thirst manifested into this dream (you’re probably thinking, “but what about the zombies and melted flesh”, hmmm, I have a really active imagination?).  So, back to where I started, I had my third appointment with the herbalist today.  I told him about the dream and he immediately said that he suspected it was the parasites that my body was killing (hence the zombie parasites).  As a side note, if you read my previous entry, I was diagnosed (through morphogenic field testing) with a case of parasites infecting my large and small intestines and my lymphatic system.  I was skeptical of his interpretation of my dream.

Here's a drawing I did while living in Japan and feeling "not so well".  This is kinda how I felt last night.

Here’s a drawing I did while living in Japan and feeling “not so well”. This is kinda how I felt last night.

Then, tonight, after dinner, my stomach was rumbling something fierce.  I thought it was just gas (the herbalist advised me to eat more protein in the form of meat and this was my second time having meat this week; I usually consume it only once every two weeks or so).  Then I went to the toilet, and holy cow, I’m pretty sure I expelled an entire army of zombie parasites!  Sorry if that was TMI but this is a blog about Colitis.  My shame/pride/etc went out the window long ago.  Was it those times in the hospital with the nurses administering my enemas every night?  The multiple times I lost control of my bowels?  The “colonoscopy” I had in Japan where it seemed everyone and his mother got to take turns clipping a biopsy of my colon?  That’s the thing about this illness; it’s an awkward topic for many.  No one likes to talk about their bowels, not unless they are in their 80s or so and your BM (bowel movement) is a part of daily conversation because it so strongly affects what kind of day you have (whether you had your BM or not).  I digress…  So I’m now imagining a bunch of zombie parasites inside of me.  I probably won’t post this till morning, but I am writing this at 12:30am as the zombie parasites are waging war in my gut.  I hope to defeat them tomorrow.  I will keep you posted.

Update: I had horrible sharp stabbing pains in my belly that woke me around 6am.  It basically hurt to move or do anything (I could breath without pain though).  I practiced deep breathing techniques, visualizations, clearing my mind, but I just couldn’t sleep.  I think it was the fear that was seizing my body saying “what if this is a flare-up?!!!”  I was pretty sure it wasn’t a flare (when you’ve dealt with colitis for this long, you begin know your body, you know what a flare up cramp feels like, what an inflamed colon bowel movement feels like, even what a flared up colon fart smells like, gross, I know, but true), but I had never experienced anything like this before so was, for good reason, scared and confused.  I felt better when I woke up around 10:15am (I was in and out of restless sleep much of the night).

Here's a barely recognizable photo of me from when a doctor had me on way more prednisone than I should have ever had for way longer than I should have ever taken (I didn't know any better).  My face was so huge it felt like it was going to explode.  Meanwhile, my legs were so skinny and I was so malnourished (due to being unable to absorb any nutrients) that I could hardly walk up stairs.

Here’s a barely recognizable photo of me from when a doctor had me on way more prednisone than I should have ever had for way longer than I should have ever taken (I didn’t know any better). My face was so huge it felt like it was going to explode. Meanwhile, my legs were so skinny and I was so malnourished (due to being unable to absorb any nutrients) that I could hardly walk up stairs.

Today, I went to my other acupuncturist (who I see for an ongoing neck issue).  I pointed out the areas on my neck that were still bothering me and told him about my experiences with this new herbalist (from the morphogenic testing to the zombie parasite experience).  I know I have an herbalist now who also practices acupuncture on me but I’ve been incredibly careful (for me at least) with my treatment as I’ve been screwed over or, at least, seemingly mistreated by too many doctors too often for too long a period of time.  I like to go to this acupuncturist for my neck in addition to bouncing all the treatments and advice I’m receiving off of him to get a sort of second opinion or at least validation.  My neck acupuncturist treated a point for digestion as well as my neck and I felt much more relaxed and my stomach chilled out.

I just got off the phone with my herbalist.  I explained my zombie parasite experience from last night and he seemed to think this was a good sign as he had treated a meridian around my stomach area yesterday that meant to “unstick” things.  My body’s response (while quite dramatic, per the doctor) was positive as it implied the treatment had successfully unstuck the stuck stuff (sorry I don’t have a more eloquent language for this, I’m still learning).  So I feel much better physically and emotionally.  I reminded the doctor of my triathlon this weekend (swimming, biking, running to raise money for Crohn’s and Colitis!) and he assured me that he would help me out with some points for acupuncture on Thursday and that the “response” I experienced would not interfere with my ability to compete.  Phew (and I mean that on many levels, not just that I can still compete in the triathlon).  So the saga of the zombie parasites continues…


6 thoughts on “Zombie Parasites

    • Thanks ma, I haven’t had any bad dreams (that I can remember at least) since the zombie one. Come to think of it, I haven’t remembered any dreams since that one. I have another appointment today, we’ll see how that goes:) Love you!

  1. hey kristyn! love your blog and good for you for documenting everything and taking the time, energy, and money to get answers and find strategies that work for you! i just wanted to mention for what it’s worth that i saw my GI yesterday and we talked about a new drug for UC, uceris (well it’s a new formulation but recently approved for UC i believe). it’s a replacement for prednisone and he said he only uses this now for UC flares, not pred anymore. YAY! after seeing your picture with the “moon face” (i have definitely been there, ugh) i thought you’d be glad to know at least there is another option out there now. it has none of the prednisone side effect and is just a short-term solution if you flare. 🙂 hang in there and good luck at the race!!

    • Ali, thank you! Wow, that’s amazing news! What a horrible drug (yet a times, such a lifesaver) prednisone is. I’ve never heard of uceris. I hope I never have to take it but good to know there is an alternate to prednisone (I have such a visceral reaction to the mere mention of having to take prednisone). And thank you so much for your support and information! You have had a long and arduous journey as well and seem to have gathered so much knowledge about our disease along the way. I feel like I’m only beginning to gather information
      Before, when healthy, the last think I wanted to do was think about my illness and when sick, well, as you know, it’s very hard to even take care of yourself, let along research the best treatment.

  2. I follow a couple of blogs about nutrition and well being but I love your so much. You are a great writer! I could read your blog as if it was a book. You are funny, eloquent and sweet. I wish you all the best and thanks for sharing your thoughts and journey with us.

    • Thanks Amrit(*+*) that’s so kind of you. I do love writing, so I’m glad it’s also fun to read. I’ve been wanting to take the natural route for a while but one thing or another always seemed to stand in the way (or I just wasn’t ready yet, takes some balls, or in my case, guts, to even think of going off my medication when I’m well). I’ll keep you posted on my continuing journey.

      I killed it on my triathlon bwt:)

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